Expatriate Owl

A politically-incorrect perspective that does not necessarily tow the party line, on various matters including but not limited to taxation, academia, government and religion.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Pesach 5771

Tomorrow evening begins Pesach, and my wife and I are very busy, prepping for the Passover seder we plan to host in our home. Probably will be a small and simple affair, but it is always a special thing. I have a long day tomorrow, still have things to do in preparation, and things that need to be done in my professional life before the holiday (as regular readers of this blog have surmised, I do not do any work during the holiday, including driving, turning electric switches on or off, or going online with the computer).

Here is a Pesach-relevant one now making the e-mail rounds, which I post for everyone's enjoyment, amusement, and introspection:

If the Passover Story had been Reported by The New York Times:

The cycle of violence between the Jews and the Egyptians continues with no end in sight in Egypt. After eight previous plagues that have destroyed the Egyptian infrastructure and disrupted the lives of ordinary Egyptian citizens, the Jews launched a new offensive this week in the form of the plague of darkness.

Western journalists were particularly enraged by this plague. "It is simply impossible to report when you can't see an inch in front of you," complained a frustrated Andrea Koppel of CNN. "I have heard from my reliable Egyptian contacts that in the midst of the blanket of blackness, the Jews were annihilating thousands of Egyptians. Their word is solid enough evidence for me."

While the Jews contend that the plagues are justified given the harsh slavery imposed upon them by the Egyptians, Pharaoh, the Egyptian leader, rebuts this claim. "If only the plagues would let up, there would be no slavery. We just want to live plague-free. It is the right of every society."

Saeb Erekat, an Egyptian spokesperson, complains that slavery is justifiable given the Jews' superior weaponry supplied to them by the superpower God.

The Europeans are particularly enraged by the latest Jewish offensive. "The Jewish aggression must cease if there is to be peace in the region. The Jews should go back to slavery for the good of the rest of the world," stated an angry French President Nicholas Sarkozy.

Even several Jews agree. Adam Shapiro and Arthur Waskow, who are Jewish, have barricaded themselves within Pharaoh's chambers to protect Pharaoh from what is feared will be the next plague, the death of the firstborn. Mr. Shapiro claims that while slavery is not necessarily a good thing, it is the product of the plagues and when the plagues end, so will the slavery.

"The Jews have gone too far with plagues such as locusts and epidemic which have virtually destroyed the Egyptian economy," Rabbi Waskow laments. "The Egyptians are really a very nice people and Pharaoh is kind of huggable once you get to know him," gushes Waskow.

The United States is demanding that Moses and Aaron, the Jewish leaders, continue to negotiate with Pharaoh. While Moses points out that Pharaoh had made promise after promise to free the Jewish people only to immediately break them and thereafter impose harsher and harsher slavery, Richard Boucher of the State Department assails the latest offensive. "Pharaoh is not in complete control of the taskmasters," Mr. Boucher states. "The Jews must return to the negotiating table and will accomplish nothing through these plagues."

The latest round of violence comes in the face of a bold new Saudi peace overture. If only the Jews will give up their language, change their names to Egyptian names and cease having male children, the Arab nations will incline toward peace with them, Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah declared.


And so, at a time when the whole world seems to be backing the enemies of the Jews, and insisting that the Jews do suicidal things, we will celebrate our freedom, and our faith that G-d will save us from our current enemies, just as he rescued us from Pharoah.

As for the Jewish leftists who back the enemies of the Jews (and of civilization), they are the Wicked Son as noted in the Haggadah. Had they been in Egypt, they would not have been redeemed.

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